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soften up

B2 neutral separable both
In simple words

To make someone less strict or hard to deal with so they'll agree with you more easily.

Literal meaning: To make something physically softer — the figurative sense of reducing mental or emotional resistance is an idiomatic extension.

Meanings

1 B2 idiomatic informal

To make someone more receptive, agreeable, or sympathetic through kind treatment or persuasion.

"She brought him his favourite meal to soften him up before asking for a pay rise."

Grammar: separable
2 C1 idiomatic neutral

In military or strategic contexts, to weaken an enemy's defences or resolve with preliminary attacks before a major assault.

"The air force spent two days softening up the enemy positions before the ground troops advanced."

Grammar: separable
3 B1 neutral

To become or make something physically softer or less rigid.

"Leave the butter out of the fridge to soften up before you mix it into the dough."

Grammar: separable
Usage notes

Used in personal, business, and military contexts. In personal contexts it often means warming someone up emotionally. In military or strategic contexts it means attacking to weaken before the main assault.

Commonly used with

resistance opponent audience target defences customer

Forms

Base
soften up
I/you/we/they
3rd person
softens up
he/she/it
Past simple
softened up
yesterday
Past participle
softened up
have + pp
-ing form
softening up
continuous

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Synonyms

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